Tag Archives: Life

Lost

In a world of familiar faces, all I see are strangers and every time I think I’m safe, I’m surrounded by these dangers.

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My Youth In Years | A preview of my new project

As I’m trying to ‘get back’ into my writing, I thought I would experiment by using autobiographical snippets of my childhood. Format wise, I opted out of the normal chronological order and instead flip backwards, then forwards and so on. Please read the beginning of this project below; I’d appreciate any feedback on style, format, language, flow, content. I’m really open to advice from a fresh perspective. Please feel free to leave comments at the end of this ‘preview’.

Thank You.

1986

Casting my mind back to the long hot summer months of the mid-eighties always fills my heart with warmth and fond memories. Big burning golden afternoons followed by pink sunset skies as the unforgivable heat gave way to a relieving cool breeze which seemed to drape over our bare arms and shoulders. I replay those thoughts in my head and it’s like a viewing of an old VHS tape or Camcorder video, the images are ever so slightly tainted and distorted, but the colours and sounds as vivid as ever. I can still hear the laughter and joyful screams of child’s play, while the smell of the trees we used to climb and the warmth of the grass we used to lay on are as clear as yesterday.

1979

It was the 28th of November and apparently a cold and late winter’s evening. The North of England, a small industrial town set some miles outside of Manchester, was where I was to be born. Amongst the backdrop of run-down cotton mills, factories and the large bleak barren moors, my Mother was preparing to give birth to her second child. A boy. The labour was long and drawn out and not without its complications. So much so, that immediately after my dramatic arrival, my Mother was in a critical condition and there was a very real risk that Death was to all too quickly follow Life. The irony was certainly not lost when I discovered that day was a Wednesday.

1994

During my early to mid teenage years, divorce was somewhat of a rarity amongst those that I knew and associated with. It just seemed to be that all my friends had a Mum and a Dad and they were together and happy. My childish naivety allowed me to continue through my high school years believing that my own parents were immune to this curse. Our family was solid as a rock and although as the months went by and things started to feel a little strained at home, I was at least comforted by the fact that I had my Mum, and I had my Dad, my big Sister was there and we were all together. It was one early morning before school, as I was getting ready that I had noticed while walking past the living-room doorway, an alarm clock set on the floor. With an obvious curiosity and unassuming approach I proceeded to ask my Mum why it was there. In no more than a sentence, I had learnt that my Dad had slept on the settee the previous night. Within a couple of weeks, he had moved out.

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Reflection | Random Experimental Poetry & Fiction

Standing at the top of the mountain I can see far beyond the horizon, I can see my past and future, all across infinity, the paths I chose, the paths I left behind and the paths I have yet to walk.

The cool softness of the wind, spirals up and seduces my skin, reminding me of my existence and bringing me back to now. I am here. Looking out to the East I see the Sun rising slowly and effortlessly up through the vast pale blue sky.

My memories are out there, thousands of miles into the distance, hidden amongst the mountains and streams and even the clouds above. Resonating. Everything around me in this moment, is me. I am in the moment.

Holding out my hand, I offer my heart. I can feel the pull of the energy forming, creating. In a burst of sunlight through the clouds, my heart is gone. Taken by the past. Out there, in the great beyond, amongst the shadows and the dark my heart starts its work.

Closing my eyes, I slow my breath. Void of feeling I clear my mind. And I am given sight of something new. The Sun is now hidden, my face is cool, and now wet as delicate rain drops spit spatter onto my forehead and cheeks. Refreshing and revitalizing. I am being reborn through nature.

I am being given a new heart. I feel the beat within me, the knowledge that I am once again alive.

Opening my eyes, the rain stops. I look out to the horizon, now covered in haze. The past now concealed. I turn away and start my journey back down the mountain. I am ready to start again. I am free.

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In Momento Temporis

Hold me to your chest

Let your heartbeat do the rest

I just want to hear you live

You have so much more to give

Let me feel the warmth of skin

Hear the breath come from within

And then I’ll know that it’s ok

I got you here for one more day.

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Procidens

I jump off the rock into

Freefall

In mid air my heart stops

The sound of nothing

As I drop

Impact

I hit the cold water and my eyes open

Yet I cannot breathe

 

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Death in the Night – A Poem

The howling wind and the pouring rain

She climbed up the stairs to hide her pain

The moonlight shone through the window ahead

As she turned on the landing, and slipped into bed.

Her tears fell so quickly, and dampened her cheek

As the night held her prisoner and dreams she did seek.

The window flew open, and in came the storm

She sat up in bed, bewildered, forlorn.

A figure, so dark, appeared by her side.

Shrouded in black, she wanted to hide.

Bare feet on the floor, the cold made her gasp

A feeble escape, she was now in his grasp.

Tumbling and falling, both now on the floor

She wriggled and scrambled and made for the door.

But the door slammed shut loudly, it echoed on

And she let out a sigh, knowing her chance was gone.

Death loomed above her, and blink she did not.

Ready and waiting her life now forgot.

A flash from outside, and the lightning struck fast

And the thunder rolled on in the night sky so vast.

Her choice was made, no way out was there.

As Death now consumed her and left her soul bare.

She had now lost, no game left to be won.

And all life in that house, ceased to be, now gone.

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Time Was – A Poem

Time was when I was a different man

As I take these steps through a foreign land

A journey travelled with an open mind

A past of longing I have left behind.

Time was when I knew a different me

But I knew that was not the way to be.

Breaking boundaries with my creative mind.

Excited at the prospects I have yet to find.

I’m travelling alone, but I don’t feel so lost

Cos I got myself together without paying the cost.

These words are my therapy and that’s all I need.

A way to breakthrough, and a way to succeed.

Time was when I was a different man

But I’m happy with life, now I have a new plan.

© Matthew T. Aspden

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New Me – A Poem

You think you know me, wrong

You knew me. I’ve changed,

The true me. I’m strong,

You will see. I survived,

I lasted, You’re history,

You’re past it. Passed on,

Passed through, last chance,

I knew. You’re dark, I’m light,

You dull my bright

I need, to shine, my life

It’s mine.

© Matthew T. Aspden

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